Does your God own the Pawn Shop Next Door?

Pawn Shop Jesus by Stephanie McEntire
Share

Yesterday at 5:59pm

I am sitting on my brothers back porch using his Internet and writing. He has a beautiful yard and the birds are singing and the sun is shining. Life goes on doesn’t it. As I am guessing you all know Jack and I have been having a rough time of it. Jack has been without work since last May and nothing has presented itself except a few odd jobs here and there. He even went to apply for a position at a convience store and was beat out for the job by a about 5 minutes. It’s so bad here in this small town that there are only a few jobs posted in the local paper and most of them are in the medical field of which (thank God) I am in. Some would say move. As the saying goes wherever you go…THERE YOU ARE. Our past is littered with a lot of history. When the job market does get better Jack has odds to beat due to a record and jail time that didn’t matter before..but surely will now that the industry he works in (industrial maintenance) can afford to be pickey and hire the young uns… Thank God for grace huh…blind but know we see is more than just mere words in our household. All this being said…it leads me to our Pawn Shop experience. It’s not that because of our illustrious past that we haven’t had to use a pawn shop before, it’s just that this experience was different for us both. This wasn’t because we wanted some extra money or were doing something we shouldn’t , it was because it was needed in order for us to eat.

Now, why would I tell such a story as this. Humiliating as it sounds and is…I write this because I know that we are not alone and I choose to take off the fig leaves of image management and BE the truth for those in our same position. The lines are gone in our society. There really is no more middle class. You either are..or are not. If you believe you can stay on top financially I don’t know what planet you are on or what kind of blinders you have….cause things change quickly no matter what the T.V. says or the polls. It’s a cause and effect world no matter what you believe. We are proof of that. Not only are the lines disappearing in “this world”, but I think that they are also disappearing at a very fast pace religously…the veil that was rent is being pulled back farther and farther every day….Back to our pawn shop experience.For those who don’t know what a Pawn Shop is or how it operates (if you don’t it is a very humiliating experience because your poverty is truly exposed…you are naked) .. you take something of value, they pay you for it and they keep if for you with intrest and the intrest is outrageous not to mention the item is pawned for a quarter of it’s worth. In order to get your item back if and when you can get it back, in a time frame they have allowed…you pay them back and the intrest in order to get your thing of value back. Most of the time if you have to use the Pawn shop you probably aren’t going to be able to get your item of value back. It’s kind of the hidden secret as you fill out the paper work. It’s not a pleasant experience to know that but hey..you need the money so you put on your game face and “souljer” on. I love what Jesus said about “Blessed are the pure in heart…for they shall see God…everywhere..’ (my paraphrase of course) but I think I did see him in that humiliating experience. Here is how.

Many times most believers I come across have a Pawn shop view of God. God is up in heaven demanding that we Pawn our heart to Jesus. If we are the “lucky ones” we get a few gifts back. Some believe it will be peace, some monetary such as money and success, some exchange it for a dramatic sense of “suffering.” I even know some believers who truly believe that once they have followed the directives of God, and admit they are worthless as they stand alone, if they pawn their heart in exchange they will get a “Godlike” heart. The fact that they have the “Godlike” heart it will eventually eat away every single fiber of their being and they will be mini Jesus but I would rather him be a brother..knowing that he suffered..and sharing in those sufferings. It makes more sense to me…better than any gift that could possibly inflate my ego to a monster. Been there done that. It’s like God is the Don and Jesus is 1st in command…then he has his henchmen (us) with our notebooks in hand judging sin in degrees. It’s as if we read somwhere the heirarchy was to be just like the ones we have here…don’t buy it. Like a pyramid. Most times it is truly unbeknowedst to all that they have a crazy view of Jesus as the Pawn shop clerk. All in all whatever it is you believe, the majority do deeply feel that it is requirment that in pawning your heart you are gaining a road into heaven with intrest of course…because on the last of your days you will be judged according to your works and sent to hell or heaven if you returned Gods heart with all the intrest paid. I believed that for many, many years. What was confusing to me is on one side of our mouth we talk about it being a “free gift” and out of the other we talk of it being a “pawned heart with intrest to collect.” That never jived with me and it shouldn’t…because it doesn’t fit now does it.

So, we have this view of Jesus being sent by God as a heart collector, with intrest of course paid in full..or not…on judgment day. We believers think that our way is the only way…period.. and you must present your pawn ticket in some fashion or we don’t believe you. The tickets come in many ways. Church membership rosters or affiliations. Showing up every week so as not to “default” on your pawn ticket. If you haven’t entered the pawn shop…you are not one of us. This warped view of God has spawned the most evils this world has had to offer. I personally am ashamed of it.

I entered into the Pawn shop years ago with “shame” and “embarrasment” as my motivator. I thought that was what God wanted. My filthy heart. So I entered the pawn shop and there stood Jesus in his bio hazard suit…so as not to touch my filthy heart. It didn’t matter about the love in the Gospels…or that time and time again he accepted folks immediately. One of my favorites acceptances of a heart was the theif on the cross next to him as he was dieing. Even in death no ego played into his love..it was a loving immediate response…”come join me dear thief.” I would read stuff like that and hear something else….and I was confused. However week after week I would show up at the pawn shop gatherings to present my pawn ticket and make sure I was gaining enough “works” to pay the intrest back. It nearly drove me nuts.

I remember the day I left “church” as it was for me. It doesn’t matter the brand because everyone has there “group” or “tribe” they like to be around. I think that is human nature. None the less I kept feeling irratable, restless and discontent. I began staring at the exit sign in the auditorium more than listening. My pawn ticket was heavy…like a burden. I seemed to recall a verse that Jesus said about his yoke being “easy and his burden light.” I couldn’t get that out of my craw. So I blamed Jesus in the Bio Hazard suit….the pawn shop clerk..and I told him to go tell God to “stuff it.” I could probably do hell better…at least I knew that in hell all that was required of you was to burn and scream repetitively and feel bad for not paying your intrest or presenting your pawn ticket. I was prepared to do that…creature of habit that I am it seemed more “clear” and “organized” to burn and scream…because the alternative I was hearing and trying to believe..made no sense to me at all. Little did I know that it was my Exodus out of a Matrix…way bigger than I could fathom…I began to see some “glitches” in the system and like the child that I am I thought God was doing a number on me because I really believed he existed…no doubt about that. All I had to do was look around and sense that if nothing else. I just began to judge God (hahahah) that he was a trickster…a Pawn shop owner…a gangsta…and Jesus was his heart collecter going around demanding payment with intrest for him being my protection. Things have changed for me now…but what a road it has been. A road that leads away from the Pawn shop into a vast space of grace…one of those “perks” of being loved without condmenation, judgment or pawn shop tickets. I will write of more of this journey next week…In the meantime think…think about and search your heart and ask yourself…do you see God as the great Pawn shop owner in the sky? Jesus as the man in the Biohazard suit sent to collect them and after dieing for those filthy hearts demanding we follow him so God can collect his hearts with intrest? Think about it. Who do YOU say that he is. I see something beautiful in the Gospels unfold…I hope I can articulate it. My brother says I can come sit and write when he is home on the weekends. See ya next week!

Advertisement